Disclaimer:  Oh.  That post title sounds pretty suggestive, but really it’s not.  It’s safe to continue reading.  I promise! 

Update to Disclaimer:  Also, the nefarious Sophie that I talk about in this post is normally in no way wicked or evil.  Except for in telling me that I needed to watch for flying hockey pucks at the hockey game, which of course, sent me into the freak-out mode that I normally go into when I am warned about flying objects and whatnot.  And by the way, did you know that bees and dogs can smell fear?  Well, so can Lulu.

So, I didn’t get knocked unconscious Saturday night as I thought that I might.  Hockey pucks were not a-flyin’ through the arena as the nefarious Sophie warned.  And thank God for that, because GR was a sitting duck for one to nail him right between the eyes.

Actually, that’s the first hockey game that I’ve been to in quite some time, and really, it kind of reminded me of watching a NASCAR race.  Everyone’s just sitting around, rooting for their driver (in this case, team), and waiting for the carnage to happen.  I mean, how entertaining of a hockey game is it really unless someone gets smacked up against the plexiglass and loses a couple of teeth?  Or an eye.  I don’t know…I’m just making an observation.  GR’s the one who kept randomly singling out players and yelling ”Hey!  Whoosie-whatsie-your-name!  Jack ‘em up!” like it’s some kind of death chant.  If only he had his saw zaw, right Big H? 

I, on the other hand, was merely fascinated with the green ice…

However, the fun does not end with the “Jack ‘Em Up” chant.  Oh, no.  It only started there.  Because about halfway through the game, GR disappears to buy a beer.  Which, let’s talk about that for just a moment.  This hockey game is being played in Gwinnett County, not Fulton County.  We are not there to watch a national team like the Braves or the Falcons.  This is just a local area hockey team playing in a really nice arena in the county in which we live.  And GR likes it that way.  So, my question is, why is beer $8 a pop?  Hell’s bells, the beer at Turner Field is a couple bucks cheaper than that!  And by the way…it wasn’t even green.  You would think that for $8 a beer, they could have at least thrown in a little bit of food coloring for St. Patrick’s Day, right?  Are you with me, people?  Good.

So, anyhow, GR goes off to buy a beer and to pay a visit to the Land of Smoke and Malady.  And as in the past, he obviously becomes distracted with a pool table or whatnot, and he goes missing for more than a few minutes.  And because we have all learned our lesson from the last abduction incident, we do not become overly concerned, and he eventually meanders back to his seat.  Here is our conversation…

• Me:  What took you so long?
• GR:  Well…I was saving a marriage.
• Me:  Huh?
• GR:  I was saving a marriage.
• Me:  Oooo-kay.  Would you care to elaborate?
• GR:  Well, there was a girl in the Land of Smoke and Malady who was mad at her husband.
• Me:  And?
• GR:  Well, I told her that she didn’t need to be arguing with her husband at a hockey game.
• Me:  Was the husband there?
• GR:  Yeah.
• Me:  And, what did he have to say?
• GR:  He agreed with me.
• Me:  So, you told a girl that she didn’t need to be arguing with her husband at a hockey game?  And the husband agreed? 
• GR:  Yes.
• Me:  And that’s it?
• GR:  Yes.
• Me:  And you call that saving a marriage?
• GR:  Well, it was more like counseling.

So, GR has conducted a “marriage counseling” session between two wayward individuals at a hockey game.  Whatever.  It’s the Land of Smoke and Malady, y’all.  People do live there.  And GR is their benefactor.

And because it’s nearly midnight and I’m still writing this recap, I’ll just sum up the rest of Saturday night by saying that GR somehow, single-handedly started the wave (well, with a little help from Phoo, Big H, and me).  I kid you not.  He’s just special that way.  Actually, I think that the people in our section joined in only to humor him so that he would sit down, shut up, and watch the game.  Where’s those damned flying pucks when you need them, huh?

But, as you can see from our lovely photo that follows, a fun time was had by all.  I‘ll tell you in a later post what happened at the Humane Society orientation that I attended on Saturday afternoon, and I’ll post a new Lulu Wants to Know poll.  I know, you’re all reveling in joy.  For now, I’ll just sing–I Love a Parade!  And cry.