The early bees are assaulting and fumbling the flowers:
They call it easing the Spring.
- Henry Reed, Lessons of the War
The early bees are not only assaulting and fumbling the flowers, they are assaulting and fumbling me! Hence, this…
No, GR is not Spring cleaning. We have bees in the house, y’all! Okay, only two. But, bees! In the house! And I do not know where they came from or why they came to visit me on a Saturday. They are unwelcome guests. They are birds of prey.
And, after they quietly entered the house, I cried and shrieked at them for a total of 10 minutes, until they retreated high onto the ceiling fan so that they could perch, flutter, and taunt me—far from my murderous reach. Actually, GR’s murderous reach. Because much like hot-buttered bread, I have sworn not to go within two feet of a bee. Uh, make that a mile.
And because GR is full of manliness and bravado, he is not scared of bees. But he takes great pleasure in listening to my tortured plea to do something about them. So, as he calmly sits on the sofa eating Pringles, and as I frantically take cover in the front room with the two dogs, we have this conversation. Through the small crack between the French doors…
- Me: GR, please do something about the bees!
- GR: Wha? <crunch, crunch> Oh, they’re fine.
- Me: What do you mean oh, they’re fine? I WANT THEM GONE!
- GR: They’ll eventually go away.
- Me: What the hell? Go away where?! They’re trapped in the freaking house!
- GR: Eh, I wouldn’t worry about it.
- Me: THEY COULD KILL US! And the dogs!
- GR: Two bees are not going to kill us.
- Me: How do you know? They could be some of those Africanized bees.
- GR: What?
- Me: You know…killer bees!
- GR: Right.
- Me: Well…have you ever been stung by a bee?! It’s not pretty.
- GR: All the time.
- Me: What do you mean all the time?
- GR: Lulu, I work outside. I get stung by bees all the time.
- Me: WELL GOOD FOR YOU! NOW, KILL THE BEES!
So, GR puts down the can of Pringles, pulls out the ladder, wrangles the deadly duo down from the fan, and squishes them. But not before I dash out of the front room to get a picture of the action at hand.
And now ding-dong the bees are dead, the wicked bees are dead! But because I am not content with merely throwing their lifeless bee-bodies into the trash can, I make GR flush them down the toilet, lest the Africanized killer bees are feigning death. Because they are evil creatures that like to taunt me.
So, happy Spring, y’all! And I know that you will all be pleased as pie to know that I have my new Lulu Wants to Know poll up. So go vote, people! Oh, and as for last week’s month’s poll, your biggest pet peeve (as voted by my hundreds of Lulu’s Laundry readers) is…slow drivers. And all that I can say to that is Amen, brother.
Image source: http://www.forestpests.org/publichealth/socialwasp.html
I’m with you Lulu! Course, if I get stung its off to the hospital I go. Yeah, that’s right, I swell up like the marshmellow man. Don’t worry, I won’t die or anything. You’ll just be able to make ’smores’ out of me!
And, Big H makes me kill’em whenever they find their way into the house…aaahhhh, I love my wife.
Seriously Lulu, bees ARE scary and I swear Phoo said in his vows “For better for worse, for scary africanized bees or bumble…” you were there, you can back me up on this! I sort of feel bad that he has bee duty seeing as he is allergic and if he is stung, I’ll have to jab him with an epi-pen. But given my abilities in emergencies and my aversion to needles, his chances don’t look good. I do feel bad, sort of. Tee hee!
I am with you, Lulu. I am teriffied of bees & lucky me has passed this trait onto my daughter! We stay like a mile away & will go out of our way to aviod them @ all costs.
Too much pollen, sinus headaches, watery eyes, and killer bees. I hate spring. There, I’ve admited it.
But I love your post, as usual!
What lovely vaulted ceilings you have.
We seldom see bees in the house - here we are more likely to get wasps. Generally they fly around and then begin to beat their brains out on the windows. When they are good and stunned the dog eats them. The only slightly feral quality about that sissified rottweiler.
We replaced the floor in our sons’ rooms last year, and found a dormant wasp’s nest. It was as big as my husband’s head (and his head is really large). I’m still freaked by the memory.
Good job Mr. Lulu on the manily act of bug killing!
AlphaDogMa
Backing up here: the dormant nest was under the floor boards of their bedroom. This is a very necess. detail.