So, I was having lunch with my friend Sophie yesterday, and we were discussing the fact that like me, her preschool daughter has an intense fear of bees.  And who can blame the little tyke?  Bees are angry little creatures full of premeditated pain and ill-will.  But Sophie said that she has read that fear is a passive-aggressive form of anger.  Or something along those lines.  I was gorging on chips and salsa.

Nevertheless, I start to think.  I am a virtual nut-barn full of fears.  Does this mean that I am harboring feelings of anger that will one day turn me into a creature of premeditated pain and ill-will?  Who knows.  Maybe then bees will become my friends.

Anyway, against my better judgement, I am providing you with a list of my 13 greatest, albeit morbid, fears in honor of the Thursday Thirteen meme.  In no particular order, because they’re all pretty intense.  And I apologize ahead of time.

1. Bees and mosquitoes.  Especially Africanized killer bees that are in my house.  And mosquitoes that carry West Nile.
2. Witnessing a hot-air balloon crash.  This is a strange, recurring dream/nightmare that I have, so I looked up it’s meaning in an on-line dream dictionary.  And as you will see, I’m not only angry, I’m also depressed. 

To see or dream that you are in a hot air balloon, suggests that it is time to overcome your depression. The dream may be a metaphor indicating that you are losing your ground or your foothold on some situation/problem.

3. Being murdered in my sleep.  I’m terrified that the one night that I don’t make that 15th cycle around the house to ensure that all the doors and windows are locked, someone will sneak into my house while I sleep and kill me.  There is also a recurring dream that I have in which I see someone standing over me while I’m sleeping, and I try to scream, but I can’t.  Kind of like when my dog, Abby, is having a dream, and she’s barking, but her mouth is closed?  She’s so sweet.
4. Dying in an airplane crash.  And it’s not so much the dying part—that’s probably over with fairly quick.  I’m talking about the part where the plane is going down and knowing that I am minutes from death.  Or the part where I’ve been sucked out of the window or door at 20,000 feet.  I’ve thought about this a lot, and I’m trying to figure out the best way to knock myself unconscious before the plane actually hits the ground.  That is, if I’m not sucked out of the plane first.  By the way, I’m flying to Florida tonight, so watch the news at 11.
5. Being attacked by a shark.  All that I can say is that swimming pools are my friend.  No sharks there.  Only waterborne diseases like cholera, dysentery, or typhoid.  You know…much less dangerous stuff.
6. Drowning in a submerged car.  I have a fear of skidding off the road and into a deep lake or water-filled ravine with no way of getting out of the car because I panic and forget to roll down the windows as my car is careening off the cliff.  And then I’m unable to open the car door because the water is already up past the window and gushing rapidly into my car.  Are there any cliffs such as this in Gwinnett County?
7. Ground beef at any Mexican restaurant.  Rarely a good outcome.
8. Ferris wheels.  Remember the episode of The Waltons  when Elizabeth sleep-walks and somehow ends up on the top of one of those contraptions?  Uh-huh.  That’s some scary stewey, y’all.  And it’s been entrenched in my mind since I was 10.  Well, actually, so has the episode of Little House on the Prairie  when Carrie gets stuck in the mine shaft, but I’ll just leave it at Ferris wheels.
9. Riding in or being anywhere near a fast boat.  Not my idea of fun.  I could fall out and drown.  And the wind really tangles up my hair.
10. Gus (my son) leaving the house.  Or eating, or taking a shower while no one is home.  What if he chokes?  What if he slips in the shower, knocks himself unconscious, and drowns from all the water filling up the bathtub due to a clogged drain?  It could happen.
11. Helicopters that fly over my house.  It always sounds like they’re making a B-line straight for my roof. 
12. Thunderstorms that could potentially turn into a tornado.  I sleep in the basement a lot with my weather radio.  And I make Gus and the dogs come with me.  GR is fearless and a heavy sleeper—making him completely immune from tornadoes and the such.
13. Being in a car accident with an 18-wheeler.  I’ve seen more than my share driving up and down I-75, and it’s a horrifying thing that I want no part of.

So, now you know that Lulu is a complete basket-case.  And I’ll have you know that that list?  Is just the tip of the iceberg.   

I promise to be more chipper next Thursday, y’all!