Finally!  I have found a smidgen of time to write a summary of my cruise and provide a sampling of photos in the form of a Thursday Thirteen.  Well, less of a summary and more of a list of things that I would like to pass on to any future cruise-goers. 

It’s a fairly enlightening list, so pay close attention, people…

Tip # 1.  First and foremost, drink as many of these as possible…

Tip # 2.  Take as many girlfriends (or in my case—family members) as possible, and flirt shamelessly with your dining room waiter.  Our waiter happened to be the 15th cousin twice removed from Arnold Schwarzenegger.  Eh, he sounded like Arnold, anyway… 

Tip # 3.  Wear your life preserver at all times.  You never know when those drinks might kick in.

Tip # 4.  Steer clear of monster sting rays and snorkling in lightning storms.  See Lulu running from monster stingrays?  They have beady, little eyes, y’all!

Tip # 5.  Always wear a helmet while biking in Mexico.  Otherwise, you might end up with more than a bruised face, arm, leg, and a bloody knee like Lulu did.  Imagine the damage I would have done if I had been sober…kidding, people…

Tip # 6.  Hang out at the dime-sized pool with 2,500 of your closest, inebriated friends.  It’s a real bonding experience when you’re kicking people in the face to get out of the pool.  Here’s me and my cousin, Miss Margarita 2007 (on the right), and cousin, Mango Girl (in the middle), hanging by the bathtub pool…

And see all our friends…

Tip # 7.  Participate in as many on-board activities as possible.  You might win a 24-karat gold (plastic) ship, like my cousin, Toodles.  Or in my case, win $100 playing Bingo.

Tip # 8.  Stay away from the buffets.  I swear I saw a man scoop something back onto the buffet from his already used plate.  Nothing but germs and anger there, people.  And I want no part of it.

Tip # 9:  Order the “door food.”  What is door food, you ask?  Well, according to my mother (who has a knack for creating a language all of her own), it’s food that’s delivered to your cabin.  Otherwise known as room service, people.  Here’s my mother wrapped in a table cloth at the dinner table.  Don’t ask any questions…

Tip # 10:  According to our cruise director, if you’re in Playa del Carmen and plan to go to Señor Frogs to drink, take your Carnival beach towel with you.  If you get so inebriated that you can’t speak, wrap the towel around your body with the Carnival logo showing, stand (or prop yourself) outside of the bar, and someone will pick you up and take you back to the ship.  Personally, I was too busy wrecking my bike to take part in this excursion.

Tip # 11:  Pack light.  Only a bathing suit as well as a dress for each evening is needed.  And maybe some underwear.  My cousin, Crockett, brought along 25 suitcases and a makeup bag.  Crockett (on the right in the photo) was rightfully named due to her affinity for the drink, Miami Vice.  Also shown in the photo is my cousin, Chuckles, who kept me in stitches.

Tip # 12:  Find the light switches in your cabin right away.  Crockett and I shared a cabin, and I swear it wasn’t until Day 2 when we realized that the cabin had more than the reading lights above our beds. (Refer to Tip # 1).  See our wonderfully messy room…

Tip # 13:  Keep an eye on the roaming teenagers.  They like to sleep in elevators and drink fruity drinks.  Or maybe that’s the other way around.  My son, Gus, is the one with the white sunglasses.  And the (faux) fruity drink and umbrella behind his ear.  He’s a card, that one.

And that, people?  Pretty much sums up my trip.  It was truly loads of fun!  And while I loathe to return to everyday life, I must confess—I don’t think that I’m really the cruising type.  Reasons?  Too many people, germ-y buffets, rushed excursions, a bucket of 4 beers is $20 ($20!), and the pool is the size of my bathtub.  However, I must say that I slept better on that boat than I have in years!  But then again, it was probably the Whiskey Sours.
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