The title of the post up there? Those are the only German words that I know. And sadly, only two of the four words are actual German, and when put together, they make no sense. Obviously, ben is not even a German word. Perhaps I’m spelling it wrong. Translated to English it means:
I ben Mr. Crowe.
Well, Mr. Crowe, I ben Lulu for many years, so put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Actually, this is the one sentence that I can regurgitate from my 7th grade German class, wrong as it may be. My teacher’s name was Mr. Crowe, and until just now when I translated the sentence online, I thought that the words meant: My name is Mr. Crowe. Perhaps Herr Crowe never even knew the language himself.
In fact, at the time that I took this class, I lived in a tiny, hick town, and I’m surprised that a foreign language was even considered being taught at the school. Why in the world would a bunch of poor, unsophisticated kids who would likely never leave the state want to learn a foreign language? Hell, fractions were considered cutting edge. Okay, I’m being facetious. I still live in the vicinity of this town, and I can assure you that great strides have been made. In fact, most everyone living there now has a full set of teeth.
What I’m getting at here, y’all, is that I don’t know a lick of German. And I’m afraid that this is going to hinder me greatly in October when GR and I cross the Continental Divide…oh wait, wrong direction…cross the Atlantic Ocean to the motherland—Germany. (Actually, my motherland is England, or possibly Ireland, but let’s just pretend so that I can use the word motherland, shall we?)
In September, GR and I will celebrate our 15th year of wedded bliss (I know!), so I figured what better way to celebrate that excruciatingly, painful, looooong milestone than to fly umpteen hours across the ocean and get snockered on good beer. Lots and lots of good beer. And maybe we’ll eat a pretzel or two. So, today, this is the plan. For many months, this has been the plan. However, if gas prices continue to rise and I have to pay more than $18,000 per airline ticket, then we might be camping in our backyard drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and eating birdseed. We’ll see how it goes.
Anyhow, I have recently been stocking up on the travel books…
I’m not sure that I have enough. I think I need more. No less than 50 will do. So, instead of spending Susan’s money on the Urban Dictionary as I had planned (not so sure Urbanese would be understood any better in Germany than over here), I decided to buy these four books…
- Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl. The last time I read this book, I was probably 10 years old. I can’t wait to read it again. We’ll likely be visiting the Dachau concentration camp on our trip, and even though this is not where Anne was eventually imprisoned, I want to make sure that her story is fresh in my mind.
- My Father’s House: A Childhood in Wartime Bavaria. Because we’ll be traveling mainly in the Bavarian region, I wanted a book that depicts the area. This one just happens to involve the war, which is not exactly what I was looking for. It’s difficult to find a book about Germany that does not involve WW II. Perhaps I’m not looking hard enough. Any suggestions?
- The Swan King: Ludwig II of Bavaria. This should be a very interesting read. This guy was supposedly a nutcase. Our plan is to visit Neuschwanstein Castle, a castle commissioned by King Ludwig II. This is the castle on which Disney’s Sleeping Beauty castle is based.
- Insight Compact Guide to Munich. I need one more travel book. Actually, this one focuses specifically on Munich. I’ll need this as my guide while the grizzly bear that is GR is sleeping off his jet lag in a very, very cheap Munich hotel room. He’s in for a rude awakening. Or sleeping. Whatever.
Anyhow, I should probably take a German language class in preparation for our trip, or at least learn a few key phrases, such as—
—Where is your backyard? I must puke.
—Do you serve hot-buttered bread?
—My husband is driving me ape-shit. Where is the closest train station?
Or, I could just skip around the country greeting everyone with, Ich Ben Herr Crowe, y’all!
This could totally turn into a serious international incident.
Well in Canadian schools you learn french as your second language. Quebecois french. So that when you go to Paris and try to speak the language you’ve been forced to study for 12 years you speak with a rustic accent that earns you much mockery from the sophisticated continental types. Merde.
Oooh. International travel. With your husband. You are brave. I’m sure you’ll be able to swing it, you’re saving so much money what with GR driving that ol’ beater and using that filthy old skool phone. Just don’t go blowing your wad (or anything else for that matter) on a new mail box.
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Birdseed. Ha.
I wonder how many hits you’ll get from across the pond on this post.
HAHAHAHA!!! ben lulu, smoke it, birdseed, full set of teeth. I’m laughing my ass off over here.
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Ha ha ha! Lulu, methinks you’ve been sampling beers already! Do share!
I’m in tears over here I am so fricking jealous..yet excited for you. That will be a wonderful time of year.
I realized when I was there many of the German’s speak English or will try, unlike the frickin French. Just get the: Where is the..in German than fill in the English word. Thank You, Please.. You will be good to go! Literaly tears in my eyes cause I know it will be years until we go.
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I think you should just stick with the Ich ben Lulu and you’ll be just fine.
I took German too, but hells if I remember anything…
And actually, they’re all required to learn English in school. So maybe you’ll get lucky and not even need it!
Here’s counting on Ethnocentric ideals!!
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The good news is that alcohol is free on international flights. The bad news is that you’ll need it after being strip-searched by airport security.
Get a lonely planet guide. I’ve found them indespensible in my travels. They’re the best, as far as I’m concerned. I mean, if they have up-to-date info on places to visit in Ethiopia (I kid you not), they won’t steer you wrong in Germany.
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I do hope you get to go to Germany and you aren’t in the backyard guzzling PBR. That would just be too much like my own 15th anniversary. OK, not really, but it’s a secret fantasy of mine. Except that we’re fancy people here and we do Bud Lite.
Ok…nuff about me.
Here’s a handy phrase you should toss into conversation every chance you get while in Germany — Ich bin den Meister.
Which means I am the Master. Or so says Google. Maybe try it at the airport first before going out and about with it. Good luck!
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Dear LuLu,
Germany sounds wonderful — I can’t believe that GR is going. (wish I was going, too) P.S. Uncle CW said to pay his way and he would go with you. LOL.
I love your amazing sense of humor about ,your childhood “tales”. You could write a book on “Why should kids from a hick town take a foreign language.” LOL LOL -
I swear, LuLu, you have a creative writing talent and should write a book. You could write a best selling novel just about your childhood memories.
P.S. I can’t believe you and GR will be married for “just” 15 years, it seems alot longer to me.
I hope you come across a lot of English speaking people - for your sake.
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You’re going to GERMANY??!!?? Man, I’m so jealous — though I have to say I’m not a big fan of German food. But there’ll be beer, right? And how can you go wrong with that?
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I love the phrases you chose to learn! That is great. That will be an amazing trip. My cousin went not long ago and I loved just pouring over her pictures-such beautfil country, this was before the lots and lots of beer she drank pictures.
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I absolutely think you can get by with just those few key phrases. Well, you might want to add “Where is the bathroom?”, but other than that, you’re set.
GREAT post, I’m completely curious as to how the German is coming along and to know more about what you plan on seeing in Germany. Whatever you do, take pictures :p
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