Let me just start off by stating that I am a hater of the Florida state bird…the mockingbird.
In 1927, the Florida senate adopted the most annoying bird in the history of birdness as it’s official state bird. Florida Senate Concurrent Resolution No. 3 states that:
WHEREAS, The melody of its music has delighted the heart of residents and visitors to Florida from the days of the rugged pioneer to the present comer, and WHEREAS, This bird of matchless charm is found throughout our State…yadda, yadda, yadda…
I’m willing to lay odds that not a single member of the Florida senate who voted for this bird was ever awoken to the wide array of ear-piercing, irritating, and suicide-inducing melodies that the mockingbird emits at 2:30 in the morning—over and over AND over again until finally winding down at the first crack of sunlight. There was no delight in my heart, people. Only a deep, burning sensation To Kill A Mockingbird. Which I desperately tried to do (to no avail) using the tiny white pebbles from my mother’s backyard. Audubon Society be damned.
And let me continue by saying that I am a hater of the Florida sea gull.
Sea gulls are the scavengers of the beach. And they are mean and like to steal baked pita chips directly from your hand while you’re not looking. Assholes.
Another thing that I’m a hater of? Jose Cuervo—he is not a friend of mine. One minute you’re all drunk happy and drunk carefree like this:
And the next minute you’re all passed out comfy and cozy in your mother’s backyard clinging desperately to a Coke Zero. I blame it all on Big H. And the pink flamingo party straws.
Side note: Y’all, Lulu is seriously not a drunk. I can count on five one hand the number of times Lulu actually drinks in a year—and it normally comes to a tragic end in someone’s backyard. And I do realize that I am much too old for these types of shenanigans, but margaritas and pink flamingo party straws are just too much fun to pass up on occasion.
And as if my shenanigans were not enough, the next day, Big H trumped my backyard nap by slightly stabbing herself in the hand with a ferociously sharp knife while making guacamole, and then passing out at the sight of her own blood (not the first time this has happened). Unfortunately, I was a bit too busy freaking out to take a picture of the whole scene, plus I’m thinking that it would not be apropos to post a picture of my dear sister-in-law passed out on the floor in a droplet pool of blood. (But, she obviously thinks that it’s appropos to take a picture of me passed out resting in my mother’s backyard. Hmph.)
So that, my friends, is why we call our annual trip to Tampa, The Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers Tour. Birds, beer, and blood. And a little bit of Jose Cuervo. We’re totally having t-shirts made next year. Cuz we’re classy folk and all.
I think I’m in love with you and your beautifully sarcastic wit.
Looks like you had a great time! Oh and those birds are demons with wings. I firmly believe that.
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OH, so glad you all had a good time! I can tell by the smile on your face as you lay pplastered, I mean slept in the comfy grass.
Your group and my group need to congragate sometime.
Laughed at the birds. Feel ya on both.
Oh, re:DWTS-Fabian and his bro Freddy went to school with me and my husband. We are all still friends. Fabian danced with Marlee on DWTS-thus the picture. That was when they came home after they got voted off.
You can read more on DWTS and my friend here:
http://www.lbratina.blogspot.com/search/label/dancing%20with%20the%20stars
Just scroll on down…..
Hey isnt your trip to Germany coming up soon?
Leigh @eneral Ramblings’s last blog post..Wading in the Creek
Dang it! I dont know if my first one posted. what I said was it looked like you had a great time. Your beach group and mine need to get together. LOL! We laughed so hard we hurt the next day. I could tell you enjoyed yourself by your being plastered…I mean sleeeping slumber in the cozy comfy grass.
I agree with ya on the birds. I have had both happen to me, only in the case of the seagull it wasnt baked pits but cheetos. They’ll go after anything though-scavengers.
Re-your comment on my blog re the DWTS photo. I went to school with Fabian (who danced with Marlee) thus the pic is when he came home. to read more on it go here and scroll down to the story. I think the second is when they came home.
http://www.lbratina.blogspot.com/search/label/dancing%20with%20the%20stars
Leigh @eneral Ramblings’s last blog post..Wading in the Creek
Sounds like so much fun!! Well except for the birds and I guess the blood and passing out part. But the drinking and napping in the yard sounds great.
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I see FRECKLES!
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Is the tour open to anyone to join or is it strictly a “members only” sort of event? Sounds like a blast and it looks like a good time was had by all!
All birds are evil, evil devils.
Also — welcome back!
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Anything that has the nerve to wake me up out of a dead sleep would be on my sh*t list, too.
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Oh, Lulu. You’re darling. Even while hungover.
The bird thing? That would be like Washington choosing the crow. Hate them.
Lulu – Re: pictures of drunk SILs in the backyard – the flamingo made me do it. Damn birds! (p.s. you could have totally taken a pic of me on the bathroom floor…it’s hilarious after the fact! ha ha!)
OMG! It sounds like you guys had a great time. And you’re right, Jose Cuervo is no one’s friend, especially when the sneaky little SOB is hiding in a delicious margharita!
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Lulu-you look so cute passed out!
You go girl for having fun!!! I’m all for it!
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Is it possible to be hung over from reading your post?
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ROFLMAO!
Sounds like my family reunions
(They usually involve 50+ relatives all drunk trying to dance…and someone inevitably tries a dance move that requires the EMS to pay a visit.)
I’m not a serious drinker myself, yet I have found that I have two liquid nemesis’ i.e. SoCo and strait Rum. I stick to my occasional wine cooler and my all time fav…Bahama Mama’s!
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Sounds like fun…can I come next year? I’ll bring extra Jose Cuervo.
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I was never able to get rid of my mockingbird, I didn’t sleep for a few month, I only felt better when one of its babies fell out of the nest and my dog ate it. They are loud and never stop yelling at night. I feel cursed.