Y’all, if I didn’t know better, I would say that I was becoming a complete hypochondriac—but with good reason. And scientific evidence. Remember the list that I posted a week or two ago about the things that are currently ailing me? Well, howz about we just add mitral valve regurgitation to that list, shall we people? Obviously, my heart is throwing up on itself. Or something like that.
Sounds ominous, right? Yeah, I thought so, too, when the doctor called me yesterday morning to reveal my echocardiogram results and to inform me of my impending death. Okay, it’s sooooo not that serious, y’all. But just don’t ask my mother who, once she reads this, will frantically search the internets for hours on end for every possible cause, cure, and symptom related to this condition, and who will then call to inform me that I may in fact drop dead tomorrow.
Don’t worry, Mother, it’s fine. I have an extremely mild case. And according to the Mayo Clinic (and my dreamboat doctor), one in five people have some degree of this condition, and I could live out the rest of my days without any problems. Or I might have to have my sternum ripped open and have a valve replaced in my heart when I’m like 70-years old. It’s a crapshoot. And Lulu is living on the edge.
And continuing further into my hypochondria, I returned to my ENT today to have another XXL-sized Q-tip shoved deep into my nasal orifice to determine if my staph infection is gone. Despite almost ripping the doctor’s hand away from my face a half-second into the 3-second probing procedure, the visit went well.
In fact, I told my ENT about my heart condition just for the fun of it. You know what he said? In his exact words, “Honey, that’s so passé. Probably half the people in the world have some form of mitral valve regurgitation. Doctors these days—they’re always diagnosing somebody with somethin’.”
I think I love him.
I’ve been diagnosed with that too. A mild case too. Doesn’t stop me from obsessing over every little heart palpitation either.
Lulu, you’re so brave! I’ve just been trying to psyche myself up to make a dentist appointment! You put me to shame!
Please don’t tell some of my co-workers. They’ll use that as an excuse to be out of the office for an extended time. :\
*gasp* OHMIGOSH!! I got me some mitral valve regurgitation!!! I must be out for six months!! OHMIGOSH!!
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear your heart is throwing up all over itself. On the bright side, that’s one vomit mess you don’t have to clean up and it won’t ruin the carpeting!
See? There’s always a bright side!
And like corporate says, what a great excuse to use to get some time off work! I think I’ll be using it every Friday and Monday! Thanks!
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LOL…heart problem shmart problem..you tell ‘em.
Ouch…w/ the big ass QTip…
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Even thinking about the q-tip/nose liaison makes me nauseous.
And I read the link to your heart condition and I’m sure I’ve got the same thing. Honest. I’m gonna call my doctor tomorrow. It’s a good thing I live in a country with universal health care.
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Being a cat owner and mom, myself, it’s always better if the puking thing is not your responsibility to clean up after… just sayin’…
I think we have the same mom… that is if yours is always certain that whatever small hangnail in the world of your health should be enough to keep your doctor up all night researching the way to make it perfect in a painless procedure lasting less than 4 seconds, involving only friendly nurses and receptionists, comfy waiting room chairs, free coffee while you wait, and any blood samples are beamed painlessly into the vial leaving ABSOLUTELY no bruising of any sort. The doctor should also have tears in his eyes when explaining how much he really cares about how this turns out for you, and how grateful he is for the 3 pages of notes your mother copied and pasted from the medical websites. My mom also still offers to go with me for any tests I need to have done… I’M 44 YEARS OLD!!!!!
(seems I have some mommy issues)
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should we start calling you “my girl”? ha ha. just kidding.
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So please tell me that she refers to the world wide web as the internets, because that is the funniest thing ive ever heard.
I have to admit, Lulu. You can even make regurgitating mitral valves funny. That is a gift!
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You have such a way with words… I love it! Even a serious matter makes me giggle, and in no way do I think you having any health issues is funny, but the way you put it…
The q-tip… oh, I think I would freak out if someone wanted to do that to me!
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