Anyhow, I should have posted this for my Thursday Thirteen last week, but I didn’t really think about it until I read Blondie’s post about her ornaments.  Blondie is a flight attendant, so she’s got some pretty cool destination bobbles hanging from her tree.  And I’ve got a similar type of theme going for mine…I try to bring back an ornament from the places where I travel.

So, in no particular order, Lulu presents her tree…

King Henry VIII, Anne Boleyn (with her head intact), and their daughter, Elizabeth I.  I brought these back from my first trip to London in 2005…

 Aruba is a Dutch country, hence the Dutch-blue color…

Unfortunately, my globe from Paris broke enroute on the plane home, but I tried to salvage as much as I could…

A pineapple from Maui…mmm…

A paper Hawaiian girl from Kauai…

A souvenir from The Sound of Music Tour in Austria…

A decorated palm tree from Charleston, South Carolina…

A wooden ornament from the beautiful Chapel of the Holy Cross in Sedona, Arizona…

A Navajo-inspired ornament from Albuquerque, New Mexico (this one belonged to GR’s sister who passed away in 2001)…

A beer hall waiter from Germany…Prost!

A wooden ornament with a scene from Lake Konigssee, Germany…

A painted sand dollar from Clearwater Beach, Florida.  I bought this in 1994—the year my mother moved to the area.

And finally, I tried to hang Gus from the tree, but this is as close as I got.  The hook was a little too thin to hold him up…

I made some new assessments about Nanny while on this trip.  She is definitely getting older, and she is definitely getting more and more ornery.  In fact, she’s starting to remind me a little bit of this woman, scowl and all:

Now don’t get me wrong.  My grandmother is a very caring and generous woman.  She would give you the shirt off her back if her back didn’t hurt her so much.  But let me just warn you, if you are a waiter or waitress, and you don’t give her piping hot coffee or butter for her bread, she’ll turn on you like a rabid beast.  Case in point:

On our drive back from Florida, I was so sleepy and was desperate for a double-espresso latte from Starbucks.  Now, my grandmother is from the old school of coffee (Maxwell House, Folgers, etc.), and she won’t have anything to do with what she calls the “stinky” coffee that Starbucks serves.  So, I knew that I was setting myself up for something big when I pulled off the expressway to order my latte.

We decided to go into the shop to use the restroom and sit for a minute while I waited on my drink.  My grandmother used the restroom first, and I went in after her.  When I stepped out of the restroom, I find Nanny yelling (because she is deaf and thinks everyone else is, too) at the male barista behind the counter.  I walked up to the counter, and here is what went down.

Nanny (to me in her loud, ornery voice): He said that they have decaf coffee and it’s not the smelly kind.  I think I’ll order a cup.

Me (in my loud voice so that she and everyone in the shop can hear): Nanny, you told me that you’ve ordered coffee from here before and you don’t like it.

Nanny: Well, he said it wasn’t the stinky kind!

Me: I know, but I really don’t think you’ll like it.  It’s a bit different from what you’re used to.

Nanny: Well, order me a cup anyway.

So, I place the order.  The barista hands Nanny the cup of coffee, and I walk over to the other side of the counter to wait for my latte.  When I turned around, I caught her out of the corner of my eye taking a sip of her coffee.  People?  See that picture up there of Granny from The Beverly Hillbillies?  That’s exactly how Nanny looked when she pulled the coffee cup away from her mouth.  Then, she took another sip.  Same look.

Three people are now in line, and one person is ordering.  Nanny marches up to the counter, completely interrupting the person ordering their coffee, and says loudly and with a scowl:

Nanny: Is this coffee fresh?

Barista: Yes, ma’am. It’s fresh.

Nanny: Well, it don’t taste fresh to me!  (She takes another sip.)  Blech!

Barista: I can make another pot, ma’am.

Nanny: Ah, shhht.  We don’t got no time!

She then proceeds to make her way to the trash can, takes one more sip, and throws it away while scowling and saying “shhht!” again.  Thankfully, I am far away from the scene and hidden from her sight.  When we get back into the car, she starts again.

Nanny: Is your coffee fresh?  Mine wasn’t!  Bleh, bleh, bleh!  I need a piece of gum.

Me: Nanny, I told you that you wouldn’t like it.

Nanny: Well, he told me it wasn’t the stinky kind!  I don’t think he knows what he was ‘a talkin’ about.

My dear, dear grandmother.  You just can’t take her anywhere.

So I did a little shopping while I was in Germany.  But not too much, y’all, because my suitcase weighed 45.3 pounds before I left the U.S., so there wasn’t much wiggle room as far as stashing lots of loot…literally and monetarily.  Mainly I was on the hunt for postcards and brochures that I can splice up and use as inexpensive scrapbooking fodder for my massive Germany scrapbook that I am about to embark upon.  I can’t wait to get started!  Idle hands are the devil’s tools, don’t ya know.  And Lulu can be very, very eee-vile.  Raaa-haaaa-haaa!

Anyhow, I thought that I would share with you guys some of the loot that I picked up during my travels…

1.  Embroidered Austrian lace

It was all I could do not to buy tons of this kind of stuff.  I could totally cover all of the tables in my house with it.  GR would not be happy.

2.  Edelweiss print bandanas

Edelweiss, Edelweiss.  Every morning you greet me.  If Christopher Plummer could sing this to me every morning for the rest of my life, I would die a very happy girl.  He was smoking hot in his day.  But, I must settle for Edelweiss bandanas.  Which I wore almost every day in Germany once I discovered them.  Lulu has very bad hair, people.  I will illustrate:

 But I digress.

3.  Print canvas bags

Oh, how I love these little bags!  I bought one in just about every town that I visited.  They were so inexpensive and can be used for many things!  Like for carrying other souvenirs!  Plus, they were lightweight and easy to slip into my suitcase…

4.  Cow bell charm

Yes, I am going to wear a cow bell.  It takes a woman with great nerve to wear a cow bell.  Just think of the implications!  Actually, I wore it for the first time today, and it kind of reminded me of the tinkle of a cat bell.  Oddly enough, I didn’t see a bird or squirrel all day.

The reason that I bought the charm (besides keeping the birds away), is that it reminds me of the many, many cows that we came across in Germany.  One evening while we were driving, we stopped alongside a large field of cows and just listened to the clanging of the bells that they wore around their necks.  It was pretty magical.

5.  German-motif dish towel 

I just couldn’t resist the cuteness of it all.  Not that I do dishes or anything.

6.  German incense smoker

This has got to be one of my most favorite souvenirs (just to give you an idea, he’s about 11 inches tall).  When I saw it at the Kathë Wohlfahrt store, I knew that I must buy it for GR.  If you are unfamiliar with a smoker (I know I was), what you do is lift off the top portion of the guy (you can see the split at his thighs), and place an incense cone on a little metal platform that sits on top of the legs.  Then, you light the cone (it doesn’t flame, it only smokes), and place the top portion back on.  After a couple of seconds, you will see smoke coming out of the little man’s mouth.  It has got to be the cutest thing ever!!  Plus, he’s holding a pipe (as you can see), so it totally looks like he’s smoking.  Just like GR!  Ha.  ha.

7.  Springtime Friends Hummel®

Can you seriously go to Germany and not come back with a Hummel?  Seriously?  Okay, well, maybe so, but not Lulu.  I bought this one because it reminded me of the sheep that grazed in the field beside our hotel in Maria Gern.  And also because I was calling to the sheep one morning from the bathroom window, but that’s a truly animated story that T-Nut tells to perfection and in no way can be described in a blog.  I like to mention things that can’t be described in a blog because it’s annoying to you, I know.  See, didn’t I say that Lulu was eee-vile?

8.  A German moose

I bought this for Phoo and Big H because a) Phoo is big on the moose and b) Big H is big on the Christmas.  Plus, he’s adorable and I was totally immersed up to my eyeballs in the Kathë Wohlfahrt store with Christmoose chachkis.  Get it?  Christmoose?  Ha!  ha.  Nooo.

9.  Hofbräuhaus München metal sign

Another gift that I bought for GR.  His basement is covered in metal signs, and I thought that this one would be nice to add to his collection.  You know, since I was there and had a beer and all…

10.  Manner Neapolitan wafers

Manner AG (an Austrian company) opened a cute little shop in Munich in 2007 (according to their Web site), and I was able to visit and buy some of these delicious wafer treats!  Actually, I bought the tin of wafers for the peeps in my department at the office.  I gave them the wafers, and I kept the cute pink tin!  See how Lulu did that?  Two birds with one stone.

11.  Magnet from Schloss Nymphenburg

Like I need another magnet to add to my growing refrigerator collection.  But, I just can’t resist the ones that look like miniature pieces of art.  We visited Nymphenburg Palace briefly on our second day in Munich…and what a piece of artwork it is!

12.  Magnet of Mad King Ludwig II

I bought this magnet at one of the gift shops in Neuschwanstein Castle.  It took a little bit of pushing and shoving through a group of rude tourists in order for me to make it to the register to buy this little gem, but make it I did!  Mad King Ludwig would be proud of Lulu.

13.  Red currant jelly

Okay, I’m making the assumption that this is red currant.  The lady at the Viktualienmarkt that sold it to me said that it was, but her English was not the best, and by far, my German is non-existent.  Anyhow, there is a very long and tragic story behind this very special jelly, and I’m afraid that if I tell it on this blog, that T-Nut will melt into a thousand tears and never speak to me again.  However, it’s almost worth it to tell the story.  Which I will.  Next week.  Forgive me, T-Nut, but it must be done.

So that’s it my peeps!  Lulu’s Germany loot.  Have a happy Thursday!

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FAVORITE MODE OF TRANSPORTATION

If you read my postabout the horrific landing that we had at the Munich airport, then you must know that a Delta 767 is not my most favorite mode of transportation.  In fact, I’m scared to death to fly…but that’s a whole other story.  While in Germany, we traveled by many means of transportation. 

We traveled by Munich’s fabulous S-Bahn (btw, Atlanta?  You need to get a freaking clue):

By bike around the city of Munich:

By Opel Astra around Germany and Austria:

By a mining train into the Berchtesgaden’s salt mines (Check out the second family from the left.  They need to learn to contain their excitement):

By electric boat on Lake Königssee:

By motorcoach on The Sound of Music tour:

By horse and carriage up to Neuschwanstein Castle:

And finally, my favorite (and second scariest), by cable car—5900 feet—to the top of Mount Jenner:

The tranquil Lake Obersee:

An angel on high in the Franziskanerkirche in Salzburg:

The Abbey of Ettal in South Bavaria:

A grave marker at the Pfarrkirche St. Peter und Paul in Oberammergau:

Looking down on the village of Hohenschwangau and Hohenschwangau Castle:

Looking out a window of Neuschwanstein Castle:

And finally, looking down on the square in the medieval town of Rothenburg:

 OVERALL IMPRESSION OF GERMANY (BAVARIA)

First and foremost, I can honestly say that I’ve never been to a county where people take so much pride in cleanliness.  In Munich and in Rothenburg, we witnessed shop owners scrubbing the cobblestone in front of their stores with soap and water.  Every public bathroom that I walked into seemed bleached clean (even at gas stations!).  Our hotel rooms were spotless and seemingly sterile.  I saw regular citizens stopping to pick up the smallest piece of trash on the street.  Recycling seems to be a way of life for everyone. 

Another thing that I noticed is that German dogs are freakishly obedient.  Freakishly.  Many dogs walk along through the city streets with their owners OFF leashes.  They don’t bark at other dogs.  They don’t bother people.  They sit quietly under café tables waiting for their owners.  And that is why I have decided to ship Bindi off to a German doggie boot camp.  I’m hoping that she’ll return home freakishly obedient and able to clean my bathrooms.  I can only dream.

FAVORITE HOTEL

We stayed in the following hotels/guest houses during our travels.

Hotel am Viktualienmarkt (Munich)

Gasthaus Maria Gern (Berchtesgaden)

Hotel Müller (Hohenschwangau)

Hotel Gotisches Haus (Rothenburg)

This is another tough one to pick a favorite, because all of the places that we stayed were wonderful in their own way.  The hotel in Munich was so cute and perfectly located just steps away from the Viktualienmarkt.  Hotel Müller was situated between two castles and was beautiful at night.  Hotel Gotisches Haus was like stepping back in time to a medieval place.  But, my most favorite was Gasthaus Maria Gern in Berchtesgaden.  We had such a sweetly decorated room with and a balcony view that could not be beat…

FAVORITE PLACE FOR SHOPPING

While the Viktualienmarkt that I spoke about in Part Iranks up there as one of my favorites, the Kathë Wohlfahrt Christmas shop in Rothenburg is by far the Greatest. Place. Ever.  The massive shop is floor-to-ceiling Christmas displays, ornaments, and decorations.  Seriously?  You could spend weeks in this massive place and never see everything—kind of like The British Museum without all the old stuff.  I would totally have taken hundreds of pictures there, but there are rules.  Crazy German rules.  No photographs allowed inside.  It’s like freaking Fort Knox or something.  A fairy tale Fort Knox.

FAVORITE EXPERIENCE

My friend traveling with me, T-Nut, has distant cousins who live just outside the medieval gates in the town of Rothenburg.  One evening, they picked us up from our hotel and took us to their home for a deliciously prepared German meal.  Lohr, the wife, has lived in the same house since she was 3 weeks old.  She told us stories of WWII (she was 9 years old at the time) and showed us pictures of the town of Rothenburg after it was partially bombed.  It was so nice of she and her husband to invite us into their home and to feed us tell us about their life in Germany.

Happy Monday!  I’ll be back with more Germany stuff tomorrow.  Whether you like it or not.

Anyhow, I figured that at this point, a summary of my trip would be best.  There’s no need to regurgitate every last detail of my travels, because a) I would bore you, and b) I would bore you into an agonizing death.  That being said, I will summarize the trip with a list of my favorite things about Germany.

Side Note: After I finished with this summary, I realized that it was more like an anthology, so an agonizing death was still possible, in addition to bleeding eyeballs.  This is why I decided to break this post into two parts.  I’ve included pictures to help you through it.  I’ll post Part II on Monday.  You’re welcome.

MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE

This is a tough one, because everywhere that we visited was so beautiful!  But, if I had to pick, I would say Lake Königssee in the Berchtesgaden area.  This is the deepest lake in Germany, and the crystal-clear green waters are unbelievable.  We took an electric boat tour (no motor boats allowed) to the far end of the lake, and then hiked another 15 minutes over to Lake Obersee, which was just as beautiful.  And I forgot to mention that mid-way through the boat ride over, the tour guide played a song on his trumpet that echoed off the mountains.  It was amazing.

FAVORITE MEAL

By far, the best meal that I ate was salmon-trout almondine while sitting on the banks of Lake Königssee. On our boat ride, we made a stop to tour the small church of St. Bartholomä that sits on the banks of the lake and to eat at the Fischerei. 

 The salmon-trout was caught and served fresh directly from the lake.  It was a meal that I will never forget. 

I’m still coughing up the bones.

FAVORITE TOUR

While traveling, we went on six guided tours:

1) Mike’s Bike Tours through Munich with our very cute Irish tour guide, Steve-O

2) The breath-taking boat tour on Lake Königssee

3) Salt Mine tour in Berchtesgaden

4) Panorama’s The Original Sound of Music Tour in Salzburg

5) Tour of Neuschwanstein Castle

6) The creepy (but humorous) Nightwatchman Tour in Rothenburg

While they were all wonderful in their own way, I would have to say that I most enjoyed the biking tour through Munich.  Biking is such a fun way to see the city of Munich!  Our guide, Steve, was cute and funny and made things so very interesting.  And he was cute.  Half-way through the tour, we stopped in the Englischer Gardens at the Chinese Pagoda to have a beer and some brats, and we were able to get to know Steve our fellow bikers a bit better.  It was loads of fun, and Lulu didn’t even fall off her bike.  Not even after drinking a beer.  If you ever go to Munich, I highly recommend Steve this tour!

 FAVORITE PLACE IN MUNICH

Munich is such a great city.  We were only there for 2 days, but I could surely have spent several more days there and been happy.  However, we were able to cover a lot of ground while there—we visited Munich Residenz, Nymphenburg Palace, and the Spielzeug Museum (toy museum).

We meandered through the Viktualienmarkt, made a very long trek through the city looking for the München Paulener Brewery (to no avail—sorry Big H), toured the city on bike, watched the shitty Glockenspiel spectacle in the square (Steve-O’s words, not mine), and had a beer at the Hofbräuhaus (definitely not all it’s cracked up to be) and was told by the waitress that the price did not include tip—while she rudely waited at the table until I was able to produce the tip.

But of all the places that we visited there, the Viktualienmarkt was my favorite.  The market was located steps from our hotel room, and you could find anything from fresh vegetables, cheese, breads, flowers, and meats (even horse) to homemade jams, sandwiches, and crafts.  I could have spent the entire day just browsing through the stalls.  And eating—only not the horse meat.

Are your eyes bleeding yet?  I’ll post the remaining list on Monday.  I swear, people.  I already have it written!

Auf wiedersehen for now!

Anyhow, I feel much better now getting that off my chest.  My friend traveling with me, T-Nut, doesn’t even know the password to her e-mail, so she cannot understand my predicament.  But, enough of that…let’s talk Germany, y’all!

My, oh my, what a beautiful country this is!  We left Munich on Saturday after renting an Opel Astra, and headed south to the Berchtesgaden area.  Driving on the Autobahn is not exactly what I had expected.  Actually, I was a nervous wreck about driving, but after passing a few cars going slower than 100kph, I started getting the hang of it.  Before I knew it, I was trucking along at 140kph.  Still slow by German standards, but it’s not as crazy as what I had heard.  Station wagon or not, Lulu can drive the Autobahn, people.

Just to give you a quick rundown, in-a-nutshell view on the itinerary, we visited the Salt Mines on Saturday, Lake Konigsee and Mount Jenner on Sunday, and Salzburg on Monday. 

The really sad thing is, I was going to upload my pictures to Flickr for you to view; however, because I’m new to Flickr, I’m confused.  As usual.  I’m getting a message that says my monthly upload limit has been reached.  I just joined!  How is that possible?

Anyhow, I’ll try working on that tomorrow.  For now, I must sleep.  It’s 11:15pm here, and we’re getting up early in the morning to go to Neuschwanstein Castle.  I’ll get back on track maybe tomorrow.  Or maybe a month from now.  We’ll see…

P.S. Can someone please Fedex me a Diet Coke?  And my dog?

So, let me just give you a quick rundown of what has happened so far.

We were scheduled to leave Atlanta on Wednesday around 4:15pm, but it turned out to be more like 5:30pm due to the bad weather in Atlanta.  After I pulled myself out from underneath my seat after a crazy, rocky take-off, we were on our way.  And nine sleepless hours later, we were attempting (key word – attempting) to land at the Munich airport.  And I say attempting, because the skies over Munich looked like this:

Very foreboding.  Anyhow, as we descended upon the runway, the landing gear came out, and I’m not exactly sure how close we were to the runway, but the airplane suddenly shot back up into the sky like a freaking rocket from hell.  Again, after pulling myself out from underneath my seat, the pilot announced that due to low visibility, we were unable to land, and that he would attempt (there’s that word again – attempt) to land one more time or else we would have to divert to Frankfurt.  Diverting seemed liked a better idea to me than attempting.  Frankfurt is a beautiful city, I’ve heard.  I was all for diverting.  But, no.  That was not to be.  We were attempting.  And to make a long story short, the attempt (i.e. gamble with my freaking life) worked, and we landed in the fog in which you could not see 3 feet in front of you.  Again, Frankfurt seemed the better choice, as you can see from this:

So, after we landed, we were all like this:

Finding our cute little hotel (little being the operative word) was not as a big deal as I thought it would be.  Thankfully, many people here sprechen de English, as Lulu does not sprechen de Germany.  And what a shame it is that American schools do not require that students learn a second language.  It’s a travesty, I say. S o, after checking into our hotel around 10am, we hit the ground running and visited these sites:

Spielzeug Museum (toy and bear museum)
Viktualienmarkt
Munich Residenz

And today, we’ll be doing a tour of Munich on bike with Mike’s Bike Tours and visiting the Hofbräuhaus.  And drinking beer.

For now, this is all the time that I have as my stomach is growling and Lulu must eat breakfast—1:00am Georgia time/7:00am Germany time. My body is so confused.  But, I will leave you with a link to my pictures from yesterday.  I didn’t have time to label them so you’ll just have to guess as to where they were taken, and I uploaded them in reverse order just to confuse you even more.  Here’s the link.  (I think…I’m new to Flickr).

Prost!

You see, my mother just called me a short while ago to let me know that she arrived safely at the Tampa airport a mere 3 hours before her scheduled departure to Atlanta.  She likes to be early so that she can find her way to the gate.  Three hours is a good lead time, because God forbid the gate gets changed to the other side of the airport and she ends up getting lost in baggage claim, or the food court, or perchance the long-term parking lot trying to find it.  People?  It can happen.

Anyway, shortly after the initial Eagle-has-landed call, I get another call from my mother.  This time, she is frantic and slightly out of breath.  My first thought is, God forbid!  She’s lost in long-term parking!  With someone else’s luggage!  While eating a Big Mac!  Alas, no.  Here is our conversation…

Me (in my professional office voice):  Hullo, this is Lulu.

Mother (breathing heavily):  Lulu!  You’ll…never…guess…pant, pant…what happened!

Me:  What?

Mother:  OMG!  I’m so angry!

Me:  WHAT is wrong?

Mother:  Well, um…pant, pant…you won’t believe what happened!

Me:  GOD FORBID! WHAT?

Mother (possibly crying):  Well, I’m having to throw away my brand new bottle of mousse, a bottle of hairspray, and my tanning lotion!

Me: …

Mother:  There’s a sign that says I can’t take it through security!

Me:  Mother.  Mother!  You can only carry on containers with 3 oz. or less of liquid and it’s all got to fit into a quart-sized zip-top bag.  What do you not understand about this (as I telepathically show her over the phone):

I thought that you knew that?  

Mother:  No!  I thought that you were allowed to carry on that kind of stuff, but not allowed to pack it in your checked luggage!  So, I asked some security woman if she could retrieve my checked suitcase so that I can put it in there.  (I can only imagine what the TSA agent told her.  God bless those people.)

Me: … (shaking head)

Mother:  Do you think that I could just hide it all in my purse and try to go through security?

Me: (banging my head furiously on my desk)  Mother!  Your purse will be x-rayed and/or searched when you go through security!

Mother:  Oh.  Well, I can try it, can’t I?

Me:  IT’S ILLEGAL!!

Mother:  Oh.  Well, I have to go find my gate now.

My dear, sweet, federal law-breaking mother.  I can only hope that she makes it safely to the Atlanta airport along with her checked luggage—which by the way, contains a couple of wool sweaters and socks.  It’s going to be in the 70’s here in Georgia this weekend.  Brr.

Update:  My mother made it safely to Atlanta without incident.  And mousse.

As my regular readers reader knows, I am an obsessive planner and organizer.  I like time frames, explicit directions, and general, minutia-like detail.  When I travel, I like to know what to expect when I arrive, how I am going to get from Point A to Point B, and what I need to bring along to make things go smoothly; otherwise, a major flip-out might ensue.

And because of this, I have been toiling obsessing preoccupied planning this trip to Germany for, um, 6 months now.  I’m quite sure that there’s not a Web site in the Googleverse related to Germany that I haven’t already visited.  I own a total of 10 travel books that cover Germany and Austria.  I am a freak of nature, and I would like to invite you to take a further look into the hysteria that is in Lulu’s mind.

• I created a travel binder with tabs separating days of the week that contain our plans for the day, hotel information, and directions to and from each location that we plan to visit.
• I created an Excel spreadsheet containing my shoe-string budget costs for hotels, subway fares, sight-seeing activities, car rental, and estimated petrol usage (outrageous! $8/gallon…thank God I’m driving a clown car).  Just looking at this spreadsheet makes my eyes bleed German sausage blood.  As of this moment, 1 US Dollar = .707 Euro, which is better than it has been over the past several months, but still…
• I purchased a dual-voltage flat iron (I am vain).
• I purchased a dual-voltage hair dryer (I am truly vain).
• I purchased a dual-voltage travel iron (I am truly vain and a spend-thrift).

NOTE:  It took me a while to figure out this whole dual-voltage thing.  In a nutshell, Germany uses 220V, while the US uses 120V.  While I could have used all of my regular 120V appliances with a simple C-plug adapter instead of buying all new dual-voltage appliances, I would have either a) rendered the appliances useless forevermore, or b) overloaded the hotel’s electrical wiring and caused a major international incident.  Or fire.  Regardless, I will now have them for future travel and renting lending to friends traveling abroad.

• I purchased a travel pillow, blanket, sleep mask, noise-cancelling ear plugs, Airborne, and No-Jet-Lagâ for the overnight flight (one must be healthy and well rested for scheduled touring, right?).
• I purchased a German SIM card and set up an account with OneSuite so that I can make and receive calls from home for only 2 cents a minute (GR cannot go a day without talking to me, the big baby).

Seriously, do you want to hear more?  I can totally switch to my packing list if you want…