Shake it to the right if you know that you feel fine…

Chicas to the front, ha, ha…

Hi, ci ya, hold tight!

La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la…

In fact, I have so many tons of it, that I got really disturbed this weekend and went on a tirade of mammoth proportions, which left GR and Gus crying in the corner of the laundry room sucking their thumbs and sniffing dryer sheets in hopes of going to a happy place far, far away in the land of White Lilac or Lemon Verbena.  Fat chance, guys.  Ain’t happenin’.

Wait a minute—I said corner of the laundry room like it’s an actual room with a corner.  It’s more like a broom closet.  Or a hovel.  It’s difficult to get the full dimensional feeling of this room in a picture, but I will try.  This, people, is Lulu’s Laundry Room:

Sigh.  This picture was taken from just outside the door opening into the laundy room.  Notice that there is no space to the left of the dryer.  And there is no space to the right of the washing machine, nor do I have built-in cabinets.  Also notice that Lulu does not own any fancy-pants, ultra-capacity, front-loading machines in Metallic Silver.  Or Glacier Blue.  Lulu believes in the very basics of washing and drying, and therefore, could not afford refused to pay more than $600 for the set.

That’s not to say that Lulu would not wet her pants over a well-organized laundry room like this…

Or one like this where I could snack on Cheetos at the island/bar and do laundry at the same time…

Or relax in a quaint, little room like this…

Or revel in a completely adorable one with a window and a light fixture and wicker baskets like this…

Or one that is so overwhelming wonderful that I would spend my entire life in the room and possibly open a business in which people that are cursed with laundry hovels could bring their laundry to me, and I would do it for free an incredibly small fee…

I can dream, right?  Oh well, I can only hope that the beating that I gave GR and Gus affected them enough to try and keep the laundry room organized and clean.  And if they don’t, then I’m locking the laundry room door, and instead of washing their clothes, they’ll be forced to douse them in the sweet smell of Febreze and hope for the best.

And speaking of Febreze (ah-hum), I am giving away a full-size bottle of Febreze® Fabric Refresher in Lavender Vanilla & Comfort scent and a very adorable tote bag…

This is the new and improved Febreze® Fabric Refresher, which

• eliminates odors on fabrics and in the air.
• offers a new, fine mist spray for even applications.
• offers a new pump design that reduces leaking, nozzle sticking, and that “quacking” sound.
• provides longer-lasting freshness – up two days of freshening power!

To learn more about the new Febreze Fabric Refresher products, visit the Febreze Web site.

To win the sweet smelling give-away, simply leave me a comment before midnight, September 26!  I’ll announce a winner on Monday.

In the meantime, happy laundering!

<IMAGE SADLY DELETED>

That’s Lulu listed under the Travel section!  Of course, I like the post title listed there (Weinerschnitzel ahead!) much better than my own unoriginal post title, Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs, but Lulu is just not that creative.  In the least.

Anyhoo, I’ll fill you in on my Sea Island trip later this week!  Ciao for now!

Seems that my blog has been nominated to compete in the Best Looking category of the Bloggy Hoss Elections over at Kailani’s An Island Life blog!  And since I’ve been out of town the past couple of weekends and have neglected my little blogging world somewhat, I just found out about the nomination yesterday. 

So, people…you must get over there and vote for me, like PRONTO!!  Voting ends tomorrow!!  Just click on this link right *here*, and leave a comment right there on the post.  Please note that the poll is not working correctly, so you must leave a comment, such as:

• Lulu is gooood-lookin’.  My vote is for her.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and Lulu is gooood-lookin’.
• Lulu makes my heart go pitter-patter.  Please accept my vote for Lulu.
• Lulu is a conceited brat, but I love her anyway.  Vote for Lulu!

You know.  Something along those lines will do it.  Now get going, y’all!  This is so much easier than voting for the next president…

Did you know that Outback Steakhouse is celebrating its 20th birthday?  Booyah!  Or, I guess in Aussiespeak, I should say—Onya!  Or something like that.

Nevertheless, not only is it the 20th birthday of Outback Steakhouse, but it’s also the anniversary of the Bloomin’ Onion, y’all.  Have you ever tried one of those things?  My God, my mouth waters and my hips grow wider just thinking about it.  And believe it or not, Lulu can eat an entire Bloomin’ Onion by herself.  I pinky swear I’ve done it before.  I was deathly rather nauseated after I did it, but it was well worth the delectable feat!

And sadly, I did not receive a t-shirt like the El Gigante t-shirt that GR received when he ate the ginormous burrito.  I totally want one that says “This Bloomin’ Idiot ate an Entire Bloomin’ Onion.”  They are just that good, y’all.  If you don’t believe me, just look at the facts:

• 15 million Bloomin’ Onions are sold each year. (Lulu’s onion is included in that total.)
• Before it is “bloomed,” each onion is specially grown to be 16 ounces big and 4 inches wide. (Lulu’s stomach knows that’s a big damn onion.)
• The Bloomin’ Onion remains true to its original recipe: 17 different spices to flavor the onion and an additional 37 spices in the dipping sauce. (This is why Lulu ate an entire one by herself.)

So, in celebration of these achievements (excluding Lulu’s), Outback has created a select number of special menu items available through April.  Click the link here to see how delicious they look!  My personal favorite is the Slow-Roasted Sirloin Medley.

And not only that, but Outback Steakhouse has sent me a $25 gift card to give away to one of my lucky readers!

To win, all you have to do is view the special menu items, and then come back here and tell me how you would spend your $25!  You have until midnight 6:30pm EST March 17 to leave your comment.  I’ll post the winner on March 18.

Half your luck, mate!

Confucius was obviously a wise man.

So, Saturday night was my 1st and probably last annual Chinese New Year party.  We were celebrating the Year of the Rat, and I must say that after all was said and done, I felt like a rat.  A giant sewer rat that had been doused in Amaretto Sours and soy sauce, that is.  It’s Tuesday, and I believe that I’m still feeling the effects.  

Nevertheless, I believe that everybody Wang Chung’ed their tails off and enjoyed the mass amounts of crab rangoon and random fires in my backyard.  Yes, I said fires, people.  Nothing like shooting off a few fireworks in the midst of a drought. 

I’m fairly disappointed that I didn’t take as many pictures as I had planned, but it was kind of difficult when Big H was making me Amaretto Sours from her own private bar in the corner of my living room.  And I was also stuffing my face with all this food:

And hanging out with the guests:

And coordinating games involving chopsticks:

And Zen gardens:

And handing out Chinese lottery tickets:

Later we had Peking Goose with a side of fried wanton.

I think that there were approximately 32 people in attendance.  My mom and her husband came all the way from the Far East side of Clearwater Beach for the shindig:

And the closest that I could get GR to dressing for the part of host was this t-shirt:

Anyhow, I think that a fun time was had by everyone.  Until Lulu got egg in her hair and puked in her own backyard.  Not a very good fortune at all. 

Confucius say:  Woman who fall in vat of molten egg and Amaretto Sour make spectacle of self.

Y’all, my humble little blog here has been honored with The White Raven Award.  And I’m usually not one to toot my own horn, but Linda over at Raven’s Range said such wonderful things about my blog, that I just couldn’t help but to tell you about it!

In a nutshell, she said that I pushed her over the edge of insanity and that I’m an offbeat diamond.  Or something of that nature.  You’ll just have to click here to read what she wrote about me. 

Thank you, Linda, for encouraging me to soldier on!

Now, I’m just wondering, does anyone know what movie the title of my post came from?  Here’s a hint.  Sigh…

A Cowboy’s Wife is having a contest on her food blog!  You can win a Hamilton Beach® Stand Mixer and she’ll ship anywhere so everyone is eligible!

The Prize:

The winner will receive a brand new
Hamilton Beach 4.5-qt. Eclectrics Stand Mixer, Pineapple Yellow!!

About the mixer:

From Hamilton Beach’s “Eclectrics” line, this all-metal stand mixer comes with a host of accessories – a Flat Beater for cakes and cookies, a Dough Hook for bread and a Wire Whisk for whipped cream or pudding. The 4.5-qt. stainless steel bowl comes with a Pouring Shield that helps prevent splattering while in operation. The pouring shield has a built-in chute for adding ingredients. Powered by 400 watts, the stand mixer has a two-way mixing action to ensure all ingredients are incorporated into the mix. The quick-release, tilt-up head assists when removing the bowl. 9 x 14 x 14-in. When you’re ready for a kitchen re-do, don’t call in the carpenters! Instead, “counterscape” your kitchen with Hamilton Beach’s retro-designed, affordably priced electrics in happy, sun-saturated colors. Their “Eclectrics” line includes updates to those classic appliances from the 1950s. All of their “Eclectrics” are available in six colors: Apple Green, Moroccan Red, Pineapple Yellow, Intrigue Blue, Sugar White and Licorice Black.

It’s just crazy what new parents will spend their money on in anticipation of their little bundle of joy and poop.  And most likely, it’s first-time parents who buy into some of these gimmicks, because once you’ve had your first experience with a newborn, you find that their needs and routine are pretty basic—cry, eat, poop, change, sleep, repeat.  In fact, Consumer Reports has come up with a newborn necessities checklist to steer these unbeknownst parents in the direction of simplicity and practicality.

Anyhow, as I was perusing down the many confusing aisles of “the” baby megastore looking for a gift, I came across an item that caused me to stop, shake my head, and then finally keel over in a tiny fit of muffled laughter. 

I’d like to introduce you to the newest superhero of our times–
Wee-Wee Man the Weeblocker.

Wee-Wee Man is a superhero of many talents and abilities.  And I know this because when I returned home from said baby megastore, I searched for an official list of what it takes to become a superhero, and I believe that Wee-Wee Man has passed with flying colors.  Or perhaps projectile piss.  Nevertheless, here’s the superhero checklist:

• Extraordinary powers and abilities, relevant skills, and/or advanced equipment.

As a baby, Wee-Wee Man has the ability to projectile urinate in his mother’s face during a diaper changing; as a man, he has the ability to projectile urinate on and around the toilet lid and on outdoor plants.  The “advanced equipment” is questionable.

• Many superhero characters supplement their natural powers with a special weapon or device.

Wee-Wee Man’s natural powers do not need to be supplemented until he gets older, at which time he uses a device called Cialis.

• A strong moral code, including a willingness to risk one’s own safety in the service of good without expectation of reward. Such a code often includes a refusal or strong reluctance to kill or wield weapons.

Wee-Wee Man retains his strong moral code until he reaches manhood, at which time the refusal or reluctance to wield his weapon diminishes greatly.

• Most superheroes use a descriptive or metaphoric code name for their public deeds.

Wee-Wee Man calls his public deed “a mad wizz.”

• A distinctive costume, often used to conceal the secret identity.

The Weeblock.  Available at all baby megastore outlets.

• An underlying motif or theme that affects the hero’s name, costume, personal effects, and other aspects of his or her character (e.g., Batman resembles a large bat, calls his specialized automobile, which also looks bat-like, the “Batmobile” and uses several devices given a “bat” prefix).

Wee-Wee Man sometimes resembles or acts like his “special weapon,” he calls his “special weapon” by a distinctive name, and he uses several devices given a “dick” prefix.

• A supporting cast of recurring characters, including the hero’s friends, co-workers and/or love interests, who may or may not know of the superhero’s secret identity. Often the hero’s personal relationships are complicated by this dual life, a common theme in Spider-Man and Batman stories in particular.

Wee-Wee Man is a male whore.

• A number of enemies that he/she fights repeatedly, including an archenemy who is more troubling than the others. Often a nemesis is a superhero’s doppelganger or foil.

Wee-Wee Man’s ego is oftentimes shattered by other Superhero men of “bigger” stature.

• A headquarters or base of operations, usually kept hidden from the general public (e.g., Superman’s Fortress of Solitude, Batman’s Batcave).

Wee-Wee Man’s Diaper is his base of operations as a baby, and Wee-Wee Man’s Whitie-Tighties is his headquarters as a man.

• An “origin story” that explains the circumstances by which the character acquired his or her abilities. Many origin stories involve tragic elements and/or freak accidents that result in the development of the hero’s abilities.

Momma got very drunk and very pregnant.

So, I think that just about makes it official.  Wee-Wee Man is truly a superhero.

And if you want to know if I actually bought into this Weeblock gimmick…well, I’ll never tell.  But I will say that my cousin will certainly keep a dry face.

Y’all, I’m going to take a little blogging break for the holidays.  Goodness knows after my last {{post id=”you%e2%80%99re-a-mean-one-mrs-grinch” text=”Grinchy post”}}, I need a break! 

So, now I would like to wish you all a very happy and festive holiday season!  And I promise that I’ll be back after the first of the year to thrill you all with the exhilarating details of my life.

See you back here soon!